so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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