Yo dont text me then not text me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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