On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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