whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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