I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
