Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
