well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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