You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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