come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
