If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
