I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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