if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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