i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
