I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
