Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
