btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
