You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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