People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
