You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
