I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
