I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize