i jhust puked up my retainher.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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