I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
