Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What drink are we having for lunch?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
