call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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