Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
