So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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