i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize