I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
