Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
