OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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