guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
