Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My breasts were aching with rage.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
