She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
