I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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