he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
