i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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