And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize