We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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