yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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