I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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