Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
