You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
