So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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