Jerry, you need to find god
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
