I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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