when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You made out with two different species that night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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