omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
