I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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