I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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