He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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