The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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