just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
