he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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