i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
