threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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