hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Randomize
