In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
