I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
