I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He better not be in your backpack
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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