areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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