So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
