whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
