Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
