She is in my trunk
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
