So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
