In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
